weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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