it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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