Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
