you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
