That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
