"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
