I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
