Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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