I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
