I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
