i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
