big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
