I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
