no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
