I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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