Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
