if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh god it's open bar.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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