I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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