mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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