Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Randomize
