That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
