Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You took a bar mat shot.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
