I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
