I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
