i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
