She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
