JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
