Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
