honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
