what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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