I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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