You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
