That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
