Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
