well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
