The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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