You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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