Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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