Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
