In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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