Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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