She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
