I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
