I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
