pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
