I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
