Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
