i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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