got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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