I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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