I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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