am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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